We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
