Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
