The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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