Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
