3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
