so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
