I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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