The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
