Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
