Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It's like God shit irony all over that family
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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