dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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