and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
