YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
