i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
