um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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