Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
