just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
