If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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