Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
