just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
