I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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