I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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