This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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