CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
