a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
