Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
