Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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