Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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