Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
