Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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