if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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