remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
