its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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