Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
