oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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