There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
