The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
