Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
