He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
