Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize