today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
