my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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