Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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