you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
