You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
