3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
pop tarts are not kleenex
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
