I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
