i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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