I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize