you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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