I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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