haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
