With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize