just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
