After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
3 2 1 whiskey
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
