I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
