If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
