dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
