Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
