It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
