all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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