So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
