Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
